Category Archives: Humor

Iguana Tales


iguana talesBack in the Long Ago — farther back than I care to remember most of the time — I spent a few years hanging out with some semi-reputable folks at a small airport in South Florida. One of the more colorful parties was another guy named Bill. He and I were drawn together by a shared love of airplanes, flying in general, drinking, the bars of Ft. Lauderdale and their stewardess habitués.

Bill, in addition to being a charming guy and inveterate manipulator of facts — hell, let’s just say it: he’d lie when it would have been easier to tell the truth — was a dreamer. He was always looking for the next rainbow or, lacking that, the next scam. I could write a small novel about his misbegotten escapades and may someday, but this is about the time Bill decided to corner the market on iguana tails. Continue reading

Rumination (Not to be confused with Ruination…or is it?)


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One of life’s ironies is that when you reach an age where you begin to believe you have real wisdom to impart, half the time you can’t remember what it was.

A Good Lesson To Learn


There was this town where they had a monster that was causing the people a lot of worry. It’s not that the monster was doing very much, but the people worried about it a lot. The people of the village had the average IQ of a zucchini, so they put an ad in the paper that they needed a hero to come slay the terrible monster.

After the ad runs for a couple of Sundays this hero shows up, brass cojones and all. He heads off to slay the monster, cojones going clackity-clack. The hero rounds the corner and sees a watermelon patch. He looks all over, but he can’t see any monster, so he clackity-clacks back to the village square and says something like, “Uhhh, where’s da monster?”

MonsterThe villagers take him back to the watermelon patch and show him a truly huge, vicious-looking watermelon. “There’s the monster,” they say.

The hero looks at the people and says, “You yo-yos! That’s not a monster, it’s just a big watermelon!” Whereupon the people pick up rocks and sticks and beat the hell out of the hero.

The ad runs again, and lo and behold, another hero shows up. This one’s smarter than the first, so when he sees what the people are talking about, he backs up and says, “Wow! That’s a mean one, but I’ve dealt with these things before.” So he rounds the people up and distributes nets and knives and clubs, and off they go. At the end of the fight, the score is villagers one, watermelon nothing. They pay off the hero with a sack of gold and many slaps on the back and he wanders off to find a bar in some other village.

Take away whatever you want from this story, but remember the bottom line: if people don’t want to know about something, be careful how you tell them. If all they do is grab the closest rock, your message won’t accomplish much.

[After an old Hindu teaching]