Deteriorata

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DETERIORATA

 GO AVIDLY amid the smog and waste, and rejoice in the comfort of owning a piece thereof. As far as possible, neither surrender nor otherwise kiss ass, except for profit. Avoid quiet, boring people, unless you are badly in need of sleep. Their stories are pointless. Practice consumerism. Speak glowingly of those who perceive themselves to be greater than you: it puts them at ease, and if you then play your cards right they will soon be sucking up to you. Avoid loud, aggressive and poor people, lest they harm your image. IF YOU compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter. This will provide incentive to achieve more. Remember that two wrongs never make a right, but that a third may well work to your advantage. Rotate your tires. Spread the news of your achievements, but hold close your ambitions until you have sufficient leverage. Whenever possible, put people on hold. CONCENTRATE on your career. It will not always be humble — nor will you. Along with your home, the Beemer and your family, your job scores you points in the game of life. Remember that he who dies with the most toys wins. IF YOU have not yet learned that the world is full of trickery, wake up already! But let this not blind you to what virtue there is: many people strive for high ideals, and they are ripe for the plucking. BE YOURSELF, but let no one know who that is. Do not feign affection, nor be cynical about love; buy people, so that you know where you stand at all times. Remember that in the face of aridity and disenchantment, avarice is as perennial as the grass, and that catering to someone’s greed will always give you the edge. TAKE KINDLY the counsel of the years, but take care not to surrender the things of youth. Distress yourself not with imaginings: many fears are born of fatigue or loneliness. A new trophy spouse will keep you company and help you sleep, and a good surgeon can help you keep from looking like a middle-aged fool when the two of you are in public. DESPITE TIME’S changing fortunes, continue to buy low and sell high. Beyond a wholesome discipline in the market, be lavish with yourself. So far you can’t take it with you, although in a manner of speaking you may end up doing so yet. YOU ARE a fluke of the universe. By destroying the trees and dimming the stars you have forfeited your right to be here. And whether or not you can hear it, the universe is plotting behind your back. Be careful. Paybacks are hell.

About Boston (and other “newsworthy” trends)

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I may have offended a few folks recently when I asked (rather emphatically) to be excluded from all the helpful, breathless, up-to-the-minute crap about the Boston Marathon bombings.  Sorry for the offense, but it wasn’t really my fault.  If you people weren’t in the habit of (1) getting your information from the wrong places; and (2) blasting it all around to your Friends, Contacts, Correspondents and who-the-hell-ever else without asking them if they want the benefit of your curatorship, it wouldn’t have been necessary.  Why do I think it was necessary?  Well…

Events of the past few days have demonstrated that more than adequately, I believe.  All the media have been blasting out every bit of information and ephemera about the events in Boston, and what did they accomplish?  Folks on the Internet, perusing available coverage, falsely accused a number of bystanders of being accomplices.  CNN and others adverted to a completely unrelated issue of a student missing from a nearby university for a few weeks, and intimated that he might have been involved.  That has since proven to be nonsense, but tell that to the poor s.o.b. who will have it following him for the rest of his life.  All sorts of bits and pieces have been floating around and reported by supposedly responsible — and patently less responsible — sources, and as Mark Twain once remarked, so many commentators have shone darkness on the subject that we shall soon know nothing about it at all.

The penchant for breaking news has ruined news.  I almost never follow news in the electronic media — practically never watch TV at all — for that very reason.  The rush to be the first with every little tidbit insures that a lot of the tidbits will be so fresh they’re rotten.  As was suggested today in an excellent article in Slate, the best way to follow breaking events is to turn off all electronic media, refuse to discuss the issue at all, and then read a couple of well-researched and thought-out articles in one of the newspapers of record the next day.  (Personally, I recommend The Christian Science Monitor, New York Times, and Al Jazeera for a well-balanced range.)  I’ve been doing it for years, with the result that I save a lot of time, emotion, and come out at the end considerably less confused.

So, again, sorry for any offense.  But now that you get the idea, why not carry the concept over to the next breaking news?  Rest assured that if I’m interested, I’ll be on it as soon as the flames have had time to die down.  News, like revenge, is a meal best eaten cold.